Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
