Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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