that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
