You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Randomize
