Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
