Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
