Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
