I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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