I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
