He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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