Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(456): View more from

im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out

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(862): View more from New Jersey

I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?

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(210): View more from Texas

Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?

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