i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
