now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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