I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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