who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
