pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
