I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
