and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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