what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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