I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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