remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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