Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
BRING THE BAGELS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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