dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
