god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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