someone owes me an orgasm
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
