wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
