it was like his penis was on wheels.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
