I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What a dumb baby whore.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
