Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
