Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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