I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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