All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
