thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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