I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Boobs are out for the taking
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
