you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
