You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Hippo gnu deer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize