you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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