im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
