Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
