are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He shit in the fireplace
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
