Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
