He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
