You can't motorboat a personality
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
