Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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