You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Four minutes until I can fart!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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