Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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