i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
