Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
