At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
