I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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