My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
