id be glad to
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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