I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
