Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
