So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
