She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
