I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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