She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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