I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
