North Korea, Best Korea!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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