i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
