i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize