I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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