i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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