it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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