Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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