I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
