how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
