At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
