The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
