Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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