I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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