Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
