I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize