no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
