Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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