Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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