i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
