I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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