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LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
