I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
