I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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