Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
