a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize