Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
