Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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