Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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