my shit smells like andre
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
