Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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