I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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