I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
