i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
