So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
