Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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