Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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