she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
