and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize