i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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