I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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