If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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