My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
