Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
