Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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