is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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