for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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