No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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