summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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