there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
