I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I cockslap morals
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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