Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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