Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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