What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
