Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
