when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
