fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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