The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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