wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
