were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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